Help Us Build a New Wing!
Announcing the Notstalgia Archives Fundraising Drive 2025
The Notstalgia Archives is embarking on our most ambitious project yet: the addition of a brand-new wing to push the boundaries of archival science into a bold and thrilling future.
To fund this historic endeavour, we are proud to introduce The Reverse Raffle.
Unlike traditional raffles that winners enjoy, ours is a unique experience where the unlucky must pay to avoid winning increasingly undesirable prizes.
If you are reading this, congratulations - you have been automatically entered. Please take a moment to appreciate your participation before the full implications set in.
How it works
A winner will be selected at random (which, at the moment, is determined by a highly unreliable algorithm stored on a floppy disk labelled "DO NOT USE").
The chosen individual will be required to accept their prize - unless they pay a fee to pass the misfortune on to another unlucky soul.
The fee increases with each pass, ensuring a thrilling game of financial and emotional endurance.
The prizes you don’t want
A VHS Tape of a Sitcom Pilot That Doesn’t Seem to End – The episode has no credits, no clear plot progression, and the laugh track appears to be reacting to things that aren't jokes. We cannot verify if it was ever actually broadcast, and we strongly advise against viewing it in its entirety.
The Mystery Soda Sampler – A collection of discontinued soft drinks of uncertain origin, including "Crystal Pepsin," "Newer Coke," and "Dr. Fizz," which we can confirm was pulled from the market after "the incident."
A Framed Photo of a Man Named Dennis – We do not know Dennis, nor do we know why every attempt to remove this photo from our archives has failed. It is back on the wall before we arrive in the morning.
An Unopened Box of Cereal From 1986 – The front features a vaguely familiar cartoon character with a legally untrustworthy grin, and the back contains a contest that is still technically accepting entries, though the listed phone number is now an emergency helpline for something ominous.
The Haunted Hard Drive – It emits a low hum even when unplugged and occasionally writes files titled "SEE YOU SOON."
Why we need a new wing
The Notstalgia Archives has made the executive decision to add a third wing to an existing swan.
The swan in question, whom we have named Archy, has been an enthusiastic back-up mascot of the Archives for years.
After extensive discussion, our research team has concluded that three wings would be objectively better than two, as it’s a bigger number (albeit not by much).
We remain confident that Archy’s structural integrity will withstand the modification, and we invite donors to follow our progress as we venture into uncharted biological territory.
The funds raised from this effort will go directly towards (initially ethically) obtaining an additional wing, securing a means of attachment, and the inevitable legal fees stemming from playing God.
