Staff Breakroom Rebranded as Escape Room Experience
This rebranding is expected to raise funds, finally quash staff workplace safety complaints, and provide some kind of tax advantage maybe?
The Notstalgia Archives has proudly announced its latest cost-cutting initiative: The Archivist’s Escape Experience.
What will be marketed as an exhilarating team-building adventure, it promises an immersive challenge that tests wit, patience, and sheer dumb luck.
The escape room, formerly known as the staff break room, has long held a reputation as an architectural enigma. Whether due to a questionable floor plan, a door that only opens when pushed and pulled simultaneously, or the mysterious way the light switch seems to control the sentient coffee maker instead, employees have historically found themselves struggling to exit.
Rather than fix the issues, leadership saw an opportunity: if a problem can’t be solved, monetise it and hope for a tax break.
While no one has located a specific clause supporting this logic, management remains confident that tax benefits are earned through sheer optimism.
Additionally, officials have clarified that this initiative serves as an effective tax dodge, though they prefer the term "creative fiscal restructuring."
To further expand the experience, members of the public are invited to become early sacrifices to the gods of immersive theatre.
Participants who survive will receive* an official certificate stating they "I Survived the Archive" along with their very own Dewey Decimal number.
*(Note: We must make it explicitly clear that these benefits apply ONLY to those who make it out alive. Any claims regarding missing paperwork from beyond the grave will be summarily dismissed, as management maintains that posthumous lawsuits fall outside their jurisdiction).
Early participant reviews have been mixed. One employee described the experience as "a masterclass in existential despair," while another claimed to have discovered a previously unknown secondary kitchenette after three days of wandering.
A handful of staff members have yet to emerge, though reports suggest they may have simply accepted their fate and established a break-room-based society complete with its own rudimentary government.
Despite these setbacks, management considers the program to already be a success.
By all available metrics, break times have become considerably shorter, largely because no one wants to risk getting trapped.
The escape room remains in operation, with plans to introduce new obstacles such as a locked fridge, randomly shifting walls, and an employee handbook printed entirely in Esperanto.